Drew Magary's posts - Polish uPOST

Spring Football Will Never Work And Charlie Ebersol Sure As Hell Wasn't The Man To Do It Spring Football Will Never Work And Charlie Ebersol Sure As Hell Wasn't The Man To Do It

Last week, Seth Wickersham of ESPN published a thorough and damning tick-tock of the conception and near-instant immolation of the Alliance of American Football, a spring football league founded by Charlie Ebersol. If Ebersol’s last name rings a bell, it’s with good reason. He’s the son of former NBC Sports honcho…

I Can’t Tell Who The Fuck Is Joking Anymore I Can’t Tell Who The Fuck Is Joking Anymore

Today, we’re talking about airport eating, shower clogs, germophobes, and more.

FOX U.S. Open Coverage Takes Time Out To Glorify How Fucked Up Carmel Is

Yesterday Gary Woodland and his MAGA-friendly spikes held off golfing Terminator Brooks Koepka and won the U.S. Open. It was a classic example of a formerly unknown player revealing himself as a bloodless, stress-proof killer over the course and spending four days fending off all comers for a first major win that will…

Why Your Children's Television Program Sucks: The Garfield Show Why Your Children's Television Program Sucks: The Garfield Show

A look at the awful children’s programming you’re forced to endure before you can finally kick the kids out of the TV room to watch sports for eight hours. Image by Jim Cooke.

Hear Me Out: Trump Speech Karaoke Hear Me Out: Trump Speech Karaoke

I came within a bladed edge of red death when I went out for karaoke one night last winter, but I do not hold that against karaoke. Karaoke is good sloppy fun, and it gives me a chance to dazzle the world with my signature rendition of “Purple Rain.” Our own Samer Kalaf once led a singalong of “Smooth” that…

Fuck Your Asterisk Fuck Your Asterisk

I heard someone on sports talk radio the other day say that if the Raptors pulled out a win in these NBA Finals, fans would forget about what exactly happened to Golden State during the series—he made this supposition after Kevin Durant’s calf rolled up but before Klay Thompson’s knee buckled like a freeway in an…

Google's Smart Compose Is Shitty And Definitely Evil Google's Smart Compose Is Shitty And Definitely Evil

Not satisfied with foisting predictive text and Smart Replies upon an unsuspecting public, Google rolled out a new Smart Compose feature for mobile Gmail two months ago that, like your significant other interrupting you, storms right ahead and puts words in your mouth. Like so:

Small-Town America Features, Ranked Small-Town America Features, Ranked

Today, we’re talking about Steve Kerr, pillow talk, neglected foodstuffs, and more.

Which Ear Is Your Phone Ear? Which Ear Is Your Phone Ear?

I recently became deaf in my right ear thanks to a sudden brain hemorrhage, which is a freakish life-threatening injury that I highly recommend avoiding. The good news out of this, apart from me not being dead, is that it turns out my surviving left ear is my phone ear. I didn’t even realize it was my phone ear until…

This Hail Mary Replay Tweak Will Go Over Like A Hard Fart This Hail Mary Replay Tweak Will Go Over Like A Hard Fart

I wish they had thrown that flag in the NFC title game. I wish this because the Rams’ Nickell Robey-Coleman committed obvious pass interference. But I also wish it because flagging the Rams on that play would have allowed Saints coach Sean Payton to blow the game on his own merits—something he was already well on the…

Let’s Do It. Let’s All Eat Salad With A Fuckin’ Spoon Let’s Do It. Let’s All Eat Salad With A Fuckin’ Spoon

Today, we’re talking about parsing online reviews, new candy bars, battered fries, oddly named Pennsylvania burgs, and more.

James Holzhauer Was The Jeopardy! GOAT James Holzhauer Was The Jeopardy! GOAT

You can tell that Jeopardy! is a perfectly devised game format when even James Holzhauer can lose at it. Holzhauer’s streak of 32 consecutive victories on the show came to an end on Monday, when he nailed the Final Jeopardy answer (Who is Christopher Marlowe, whom Holzhauer referred to by the nickname Kit because his…

Hear Me Out: Infinite-Field Baseball Games Hear Me Out: Infinite-Field Baseball Games

A few weeks ago, I was reading this interview with architectural critic Paul Goldberger about baseball stadiums in America when I stumbled upon a reminder from Goldberger that doubles as a breathtaking conversation piece for stoners all across the land:

Can You Eat A Full Meal Without Drinking Any Liquid? Can You Eat A Full Meal Without Drinking Any Liquid?

Today, we’re talking about weed, toilet paper, golf, fucking to John Tesh, and more.

Respect Is Poison: A Message To The Class Of 2019 Respect Is Poison: A Message To The Class Of 2019

I have a story to tell you about being Mad Online. This isn’t really a fitting, celebratory story for you, the graduating class of 2019. You’re currently clad in your caps and your gowns, surrounded by loved ones, forced to endure one final round of grueling lectures from a cadre of respected graduation day speakers,…

What Is The Ideal NBA Finals Result For Haters? What Is The Ideal NBA Finals Result For Haters?

Today, we’re talking about bad bathrooms, breakfast in bed, rugby, Game of Thrones, and more. 

The Night The Lights Went Out The Night The Lights Went Out

“Pieces were stolen from me Or dare I say… given away?”

What Are The Degrees Of Raining? What Are The Degrees Of Raining?

Today, we’re talking about J.R.R. Tolkien, OK symbols, plastic knives, beer cans, and more.

An Interview With A Man Who Eats Leftover Food From Strangers' Plates In Restaurants An Interview With A Man Who Eats Leftover Food From Strangers' Plates In Restaurants

Alex is a 43-year-old San Franciscan who works in the financial sector. He also eagerly eats uneaten and untouched leftover food off of plates if he spots it out in the open at a public dining establishment, even if it’s off a stranger’s plate. He forages in an urban setting, you might say. I called Alex on the phone…

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